Monday, April 19, 2010

I've got your back



My mother isn’t a complainer. She spent fifty plus years married to a man who ordered her around every day. She likes to blend in and not make waves. She’s compliant.

So it took courage for her to choose to live separately from my father two years ago to save her health. But she still takes care of his needs with shopping, check writing and whatever comes up.

I called her yesterday, just days after her second round of chemo.

“I just want to cry,” she said.

Already, the harshness of the treatment was wearing her down. How would she make it ten more times?

“So go into the shower and cry," I told her. “It’s okay.”

I could tell she didn’t think it was an option.

I certainly didn’t inherit my mother’s traits. I cry, I whine, I weep and I don’t put up with unfairness. I try to take charge of my life even if the outcome might not always be the best.

I should know by now that I can’t change someone’s personality. I can’t change how they view a situation. But what I can do is support them through it.

When I write a book, I like to create that support friend, neighbor, family member –someone to support my main character-- in each one.

We can’t do life without someone by our side. How can we expect our characters to survive as well?

Who's that support person in your life?

34 comments:

Jennifer Shirk said...

My hubby is practically my pyschologist. LOL. But also my mom. She is always someone I can go to who will completely be there when I need to talk.

Wendy Paine Miller said...

My mom.

And I have a local friend I brainstorm with constantly. She's an avid reader so it's fun to bounce my ideas off her.

Sending chpts. today or tomorrow.
~ Wendy

Karen Lange said...

Terri,
I'm sorry to hear about what your Mom is going through. Will pray for you all.

My support person is my husband. He is a wonderful blessing.

Blessings for your week,
Karen

Jody Hedlund said...

I don't know how I'd make it without support from my family. My mother has encouraged me so much. And my hubby helps me carve out more writing time.

Georgiana said...

Support people are so crucial. I praise God for each one of them, who seem to arrive just in time to be God's arms to me.

Sorry to hear about your mom.

Jan Cline said...

How lucky she is to have you. I wish I could have supported my mother more in her last years.

My support comes from different people at different times. Friends are so valuable when you need to just confide in someone. You have been that for me at times! And of course God is my rock.

Praying for your mom.

Julie Jarnagin said...

My mom and my husband are my rocks. I love them both dearly.

Andrea said...

I praise GOD as I say my support friend is my husband. My life has not always been this way. I was married before and it was abusive..there was NO support. I am more thankful than I can express to say when GOD sent someone else into my life..HE graciously outdid HIMSELF! I would not be blogging or many other things were it not for Doug!
Blessings, hugs, and prayers,
andrea

Lin Floyd said...

I've always had a close girl friend who understood me at those times of trial and testing. someone who listened and loved me unconditionally.

paulgreci said...

My wife is my support person and I hope I am that for her.

Katie Ganshert said...

My husband, hands down. I couldn't do any of this without his love and support.

Sorry your mom is going through this!

T. Anne said...

GOD! I couldn't survive without him one second. As far as your mom, I'm praying for her. She's in my prayer journal. Maybe tell her this too shall pass? That gets me through a lot.

Carmen said...

My husband is my support person for most things, but I've realized over the years that I can't get all the support I need from people. I really have to spend time with God and often He'll change the way I think about something.

Your Mom sounds like a very brave person. I'm glad you're there for her.

ginny said...

you are so fortunate that you still have your mom. I wished that my mother was still here. She was a lot like your mother. She never opened her mouth. Luckily, by dad treated her like a queen.
My husband is my support. Sometimes, however, he acts weaker than I do and it makes me crazy! But I do depend on him a lot. I am a whiner and complainer like you!LOL!

KelliGirl said...

Terri,
We sure weren't made to walk through life alone. Your mom is lucky to have you...and vice verse. I know it's hard for you being away from her. I'm praying for strength and healing.

My husband is my number one supporter. After twenty years of marriage he still "gets" me better than anyone...and he still likes me too!

Happy Monday.
Blessings,
Kelli

Heckety said...

I think your question is exactly what a lot of younger people need to think about. So many of them think they can do it all and have it all BY THEMSELVES. They don't need God, or family, or extended family, or dependable friends. Its all about image and 'being up for it' whatever that happens to mean at the time.
People say that old people are the lonely ones, and they are, many of them, but younger ones are in a different way.
I'm sure your Mom appreciates what you do to support her, even if she seldom says so. You are important!

Heckety said...

Whaaaaa! I just mis-read your MBT Voices box...I read 'I have a VICE!'
I thought 'Yikes Terri!'
...then I re-read it...

Cindy said...

My family supports me so well. My in-laws, too. They make getting through each week, especially the tough ones, less of a challenge and more of a joy.

Sally said...

Hey Terri,
I found your blog off of Wordplay.
I'll add my prayers to the others for you and your mom.
You mentioned adding that character when writing and after thinking about it frequently the hero and/or heroine have a trusted side-kick often because they didn't have/or lost their parents.
I join with those whose husband is the better half. In the words of Jerry Maguire, he completes me.

Jeanette Levellie said...

My husband. And I am his.

I think your mom should cry, too. Perhaps if you offered to cry with her, even over the phone, it would help her to let go?

Love you, girl. You are a brave one.

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

Hi Terri -

I'm blessed with a lot of support, starting with my Mom. My life has seen its share of turbulence and outright crashes, but she's always been there for me.

We're praying for your Mom.

Blessings,
Susan :)

Jessica Nelson said...

I'm so sorry about your mom. :-( I hope things work out for her.
I have a lot of people in my life who I know would be good supports if I needed them.
Mostly I just whine to my husband though. *grin*

Doris Plaster said...

This is a very thoughtful reflection. I am so thankful for so many people that have been supportive in my life. My husband, family and friends.

Yolanda said...

I would say both God and my Husband are the #1 people that support me and hold me up when I'm about to crumble, and truthfully, all the time even with-out crumbling.

Great thoughts here Miss Terri!!

Nancy said...

Your mother sounds like a wonderful and brave person. I love that you have "helpers" in your stories. That could be one of your signaature traits. How uplifting.

Heather Sunseri said...

Sometimes I believe my husband was created for me. His God-given purpose is to take care of me. He's my best friend in everything I do.

I am so sorry to hear the hard time your mom is having. Praying for her and you, Terri!

Jill Kemerer said...

We all are different. I'm sorry your mother is still going through chemo. I'd cry too.

I'm so blessed to have a supportive family. My husband and children, my parents, my sister, and I also have wonderful in-laws who support me and my dreams.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Too many to chronicle here, but I will give a shout out to my incredible husband! I've never had quite a cheerleader, not even in my growing up years.

Today I traveled to my dad's rotary luncheon to sing per his request. Wasn't my idea, nor my desire, but because my parents have been such an incredible support to me over the years, I gladly complied.

peace~elaine

Keli Gwyn said...

I'm sorry your mother is waging a battle with cancer. That's so tough. I'm glad you're there for her. I'm sure your support means the world to her.

Gwynly is my #1 supporter. He's 100% behind me as a person and as a writer. He allows my characters to become members of our family, helps me plot my stories, helps me celebrate each of my victories--no matter how small, hugs me when I'm overwhelmed or battling bouts of doubt, and never ever says "if you get published," but "when." I'm blessed, and I know it!!!

Lily Robinson said...

I have a network of support... different people for different situations. My MC has the support of her half-sister and her shrink.

Your mom has you and God. I will pray for you both.

(Still waiting to see that new masterpiece. I put up a new one today.)

Melissa Marsh said...

My ex-husband (though we are now back together - Praise the Lord!). We are so close...I turn to him for everything.

Sassy Granny ... said...

I've got to hand it to your mother. It takes tremendous courage (and probably a lot of heartache) to step out so boldly, so late in life.

I'm pretty feisty, so I rarely find myself too bamboozled. However, when trouble comes to call, I first find myself running to the Lord, and then often to my believing Home Team buddies, or even my own sisters. I can usually count on Godly wisdom & nurture.

Hugs,
Kathleen

Nehha said...

My Mother. She is my God on earth:)

Nicole said...

My mom is my support person, my personal cheerleader, my comedian, my sounding board, my best friend, my strength and so much more!