Wednesday, May 05, 2010

A break from my usual writing posts (sometimes you just have to share)

I wanted someone to save me.

I wanted something to save both of us.

It took almost three years to figure out that no one would or could. (I'm a slow learner.)

When my life crashed almost three years ago, I hoped and prayed that someone would fix everything for us. Someone would offer either of us the perfect job, pay off our house, send a fat check, or come up with a solution to all of our pain. Yeah, I dreamed huge every day I walked to the mailbox. It was the highlight of my day.

I even began to hope that I'd win the dream house on the HGTV contest or someone we didn’t know would leave us a fortune in their will.

My imagination soared to new heights. Too bad I couldn't have channeled some of that energy into a bestselling book.

As time passed and all of the above didn’t happen, I moved from sadness, to anger, to disbelief and finally to hopelessness that when times of trouble hit, the phone wasn’t going to ring to save us. No one would. The magic bullet didn't exist.

During this period, my attitude certainly wasn’t what it should be. I drove a lot of people away with my negativity, my emotions and my belief that life would never again be what it should be. Sure, I was depressed. Anyone would be. Sure, I still prayed. All the time. But I had grown quite unlikeable and trusted no one or anything.

And I never got it that only God could get me through this.

At least not until over two and a half years had passed. Who would have thought it would take me this long to get to that understanding? Me, a believer for more than forty years? Someone who reads the Bible, quotes scripture and goes to church regularly?

Maybe it’s because I’ve never experienced this kind of fear or helplessness before.

When life is good. Life is good. It's really easy to tell yourself what you would do if ever life turns bad. I sure did.

My point in writing this post isn’t to go on about what happened to me. The kind of life-changing day we experienced back in August of 2007 also happened to thousands of others and probably is might still be today to someone else. And sadly they might go down the same path we did—putting false hope where it shouldn’t be.

I'm not a preachy person. It isn't my style. But I promised myself that if ever I started to get this whole situation, I'd let others know.

Take the direct route first. Trust that God will see you through.

I’m still here, you see. Eating, writing and dreaming. It's taken me almost three years to be able to look back to be able to believe it, though.When I think of all the sleepless nights, fearful thoughts--the list goes on--and I see I am still here surviving, I can only shake my head. What a waste of my emotions.

And if by some chance I do lose my house, my savings, and all my plans (Still a good chance). . . I know won’t have lost everything.

I'll still have the One who keeps all his promises.

In His time.

So here's my wind-up.(You knew it was coming.) Everybody goes up their own hill. (You also know that quote.) But like writing, sometimes learning from others shortens that hike. Gives us some help along the way.

I'd like to think my time in the wilderness might shorten someone else's time there.

Are you going the direct route?

Thanks for listening. I owned this one to God. And think of me as I am zooming over the skies about right now headed to Seattle and a huge hug from my girl and grandson.

44 comments:

Diane said...

Praying for you. I have my own mountain and seem to have circled it for a number of years now. Yesterday, I decided to head straight to the top and let God be in control. :O)

Keli Gwyn said...

Thanks for sharing your insights, Terri. I hear God more clearly when I need Him most. During the toughest times in my life, my faith soared to new levels.

I hope you have a blast with your daughter and grandson.

Yolanda said...

Terri,

AWESOME GIRLFRIEND, AWESOME!! Hope looks up and allows God to walk in. He loves you, and He has designed His best for you, and this far through this difficult journey that He has promised we would have (John 16:33), I love that You see and know that He is the only One that we can place our hope and trust in.

I'm trusting God. Period. Not when, or if...simply, I'm trusting God.

Go and have fun, returning to pen with a new depthness!!

Lovingly,
Yolanda

Wendy Paine Miller said...

My goal is to just keep moving ahead. Have a great time in my old stomping grounds.
~ Wendy

Beth in NC said...

Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us! God has definitely carried you through this season Terri.

Have fun with your family!

Love,
Beth

Shirl said...

I think of the lyrics of a song that once got me through some really hard times:

I thank God for the mountains,
and I thank Him for the valleys,
I thank Him for the storms He brought me through.
For if I'd never had a problem,
I wouldn't know God could solve them,
I'd never know what faith in God could do.

(Written by Andrea Crouch)

When our daughter died, there were no options but to go through that dark valley. Terrified that it would consume us, we were forced to place ourselves totally in God's hands. He walked every step with us, holding us up. Without Him, we would have perished there in those shadows.

He is so faithful...so merciful.

Blessings to you.

Karen Lange said...

God is faithful, but sometimes we need to be pressed to really experience His faithfulness. I go around the mountain too often, instead of across it, but I'm learning. Better to be a work in progress than no work at all.

Thanks for sharing and have a great time with your family.
Blessings,
Karen

Lin Floyd said...

isn't that what life is about a series of tests or trials to learn from and the opportunity to help others along the way if they will listen.

Georgiana said...

Sadly, it's a rare occasion that I take the direct route. Thank you for sharing with us, because this is a great reminder.

Andrea said...

I soooo get it! Been there...done that! and it took me much longer to get it...and sadly, I still relapse at times. Thank you so much for sharing from your heart with each of us. I needed the reminder this morning of where I have been...and also that I am one step away from there, now.
Hugs, love, blessings, and prayers,
andrea

PS: Enjoy your grandbabies!

Lynn said...

It is always so helpful for me to hear how God is working in others. When in darkness He is the only light. I know this. But instead I tend to want to find my own light, causing anguish and worry. Thanks Terri, and have a wonderful week.

Maria I. Morgan said...

Thanks for sharing your heart, Terri! You're doing exactly what God called us to do - comfort others with the comfort that He's given you! God bless you as you travel this path with Him and know that I continue to pray for the job that I know He's going to provide for you. (My husband lost his job a few years back and we went through 9 months of not having a pay check. Bottom line - God provided. And you're right - it's not the material things that are important, it's the relationship with Him!) You're an encouragement, Terri! Blessings and hugs!

Project Journal said...

Terri,
Wow, I had no idea. I'm really sorry, but definitely thinking of you now.

I think everyone has struggles. The important part, the part that counts, is that you keep your faith strong and He will provide.

Thinking of you,
Hannah

Deborah said...

Thanks Terri, for such an encouraging post. My path tends to be a meandering one...even when I try to take the straight path, I seem to find new curves in the road.
Have a great time with your family, and enjoy the conference!

Heidi Willis said...

Terri -what a wonderful post!

Seven years ago, before the national economy tanked, the SF bay area economy tanked. Four weeks after we found out I was pregnant with our third child, and that it was going to be a high risk pregnancy, my husband's company folded and he lost his job.

We were only jobless nine months, but I look back at that time now as some of the best in my married life.

God's plans for your life are greater than the ones you dream. Trust Him that He loves you so much more than you can know.Even if the worst happens, you may find it's the best thing. God always takes care of us when we let him. :)

Praying your trip is uplifting!

ginny said...

We crashed on July 7,2007. It has been a downhill run for us for sure. But, like you, I am still here, with a roof over my head and dead broke. I can only agree that the One who can save us is holding us by the hand and walking along beside to get us through.

Sassy Granny ... said...

Ah, Terri; you now have hind's feet for those high places!

God bless you, friend. Have a blast in Seattle.

Kathleen

Jill Kemerer said...

Terri, have a wonderful trip!

I have to say though, you've inspired me for over a year. I think you've handled these never-ending tough times with grace, hope, humor, and love. Your faith may have been tested, but it's obviously stronger than ever. Don't be hard on yourself, okay?

Amy Tate said...

Miss Terri, you are such an inspiration. I love how you share your heart with all of us! And the new header is gorgeous - I love it!

Analisa said...

Terri,
I so appreciate this. There comes a time when every word you heard as a believer the enemy challeges you on. It takes you to a place where you have never been before.
A place that can be very hard and challenging. I remembered my finacial deliverance fantasies. Thinking how a family member could win the lottery and pay off my house.

Then I began to get teaching on the word about money and little miracles began to happen. Money came in the most unusual ways. God didn't need a rich relative. He increased my finances and worked it out all on His own. Don't give up and don't back down. Expect God to rescue you. He loves doing that.

That ram is still on the other side of the mountain.

Heather Sunseri said...

What a great post, Terri! Have a great trip.

Linda Glaz said...

What as wonderful of who is in control. We went through our own bad time around the same time and yes, God brought us through.

Gaia said...

There is much to learn and each one of you, becos your heart is open and you speak so freely that we can learn. Thank you for sharing. Blessings

Jeanette Levellie said...

I'm proud of you, dear friend. Some people never learn this.

Praying for favor and fun during your trip. Tell us everything when you get back, okay?

Love
Jen

Sally said...

The journey of a thousand miles . . . sounds like you're wearing good shoes. Walk on.

Jennifer Shirk said...

It is amazing to be able to look back and see how God has been faithful. I pray he continues to be with you.

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

Hi Terri -

We think we're trusting God until disaster strikes. Then we find out how much we've been relying on ourselves.

The only stability we have is in His everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning
Safe and secure from all alarms.
Leaning, leaning,
I'm leaning on the everlasting
arms.

Blessings,
Susan :)

patti said...

Oh, Terri, thank you for your honesty and your offering of your life to God.

Isn't He glorious?

Patti

Jessica Nelson said...

I'm trying to take the direct route. I get lost easily though.
:-) Hope you enjoy your grandchildren and your peace.

Heckety said...

Writing this must have taken courage- or clicking the 'publish' button...I honour you for saying this out loud!
And have a lovely time in Seattle!

MichaƩle said...

Stop 300 miles east of Seattle to see me so that I can hug the stuffing out of you and tell you how wonderful you are! You are a brave, kind person and that sort of thing is ALWAYS rewarded. We go through our deserts. Your oasis is just on the horizon.

sarah said...

what an amazing post...and what an amazing person you are. thank you for being you...and for being real...I can't help but think of Eli Wiesel's line, "No one is as capable of gratitude than one who has emerged from the kingdom of night." Eli Wiesel

Nancy said...

Terri - So all this time I have known you, you were going through such great trials. I didn't even know until recently. I guess some of your other readers didn't know either. You are such a helpful, positive person. Thanks for the honesty of today's post. Someday, all of that emotion will come out in one of your books and it will be such a winner. Blessings for all of your trip and have fun.

Nehha said...

Well done for being able to go through it all. May God bless you and your family:)

Doris Plaster said...

What a beautiful post. I am just catching up...

I love your blog picture... Your words are so inspiring, and yes, in difficult times -as I am going through now- prayer and faith are powerful.

Happy Mother's Day, and have a great time with your family!!!
Doris

Robynn's Ravings said...

Hi Teri! Great post and one we all walk at some time or another or, I don't know, every three days! Sometimes I have no idea, along with David from the Bible, how some people just seem to push the Easy Button in life and everything goes so smoothly. It sure hasn't been my experience!

I hope you are having a time of success and refreshment at the conference. I take it its a writers' conference. I attend one at Mt. Hermon, in California, and loved it. And I'm so glad you get to see your daughter and granddaughter for Mother's Day!! Blessings to you all. :)

Nancy said...

Stopping by again to wish you a very Happy Mother's Day.

Mariel said...

isn't it amazing how God will use the very darkest times to teach us some true "sticking" lessons?! My husband has been laid off for 4 months now. I hear your pain, for sure, but I praise God because if we had not gotten here, we would not have to opportunity to see Him as we have these last 4 months!! Praying He continues to reveal Himself to you, too!

mamabear said...

Happy Mother's Day! Hope you had a special day!

Alleluiabelle said...

Love you my friend! What a powerful post...all for His glory. My thoughts of and prayers for you continue. Have a wonderful time away. Love the new look here. It's been a while since I have been around to comment because of my husband's ongoing heart issues. It's been chaotic to say the least.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Hugs,
Alleluiabelle

Nicole said...

Your post has encouraged me so much. I have experienced those same feelings that you described and the direct route is the best way to go. Sometimes it takes going around the mountain a few times, but eventually we get it!

Susan said...

Thanks for the post, Terri. It was a good reminder to place everything in our lives at his feet at the foot of the cross! You survived being out of work and eventually work returned. I'm going through my own challenging time, as all of us are. So your post was a refreshing reminder. Thanks. Sincerely, Susan

Edie said...

I appreciate this post Terri. I'm realizing that there is confusion in it either way. I'm trying not to be negative and to keep my attitude in check but I have had my meltdowns. Sometimes it's hard to know which way is the way of faith.

Jackie said...

Hey Terri.....I'm still attempting to get caught up with bloggy visits and have been sooo blessed by reading through some of your recent posts!!!

This particular one is awesome, girl!! I totally get it....My husband and I have been through it....and your words could have been penned from my heart!!! I walked through (and live to tell about it) many years of wilderness waiting on a breakthrough. Moment by moment anticipating an instantaneous restoration and breakthrough...I'm tellin' ya! Through meltdowns, opressions and not knowing what the heck was going on I've found Him Faithful, merciful (He knew what His baby girl was thinking and feeling) and lovingly patient! I learned first hand (and it took awhile to get it) to hold tight to His hand, trusting Him and watching Him as He worked a work within me and brought me through to the other side.....restoration, peace, provision, etc.! Glory Hallelujah, Praise Him Forever more!!! I'll forever be "in the process" drawing me unto higher heights and deeper depths in Him. But as I look back....those wilderness times/dark times that are now bring forth treasure!! Glory Hallelujah!!

He is Faithful!!
Jackie

PS....I love your new blog look!!!