Monday, July 13, 2015

Pass me a friend, please



I want to return to kindergarten where making friends was as easy as passing  a milk carton.

In the past week, I've met three new ladies. Two last week and today I ate lunch with a woman who has been here three weeks. My heart raced as I neared the restaurant--all my old insecurities rising to my throat. Would we instantly bond? Treasure a new-found friendship? Decide it's easy to talk?

Or not.

Why did I ever set myself up for this? Why can't I do life alone, being content with my husband as my only friend down here in my new community? Why did I place an ad in our online website asking to meet other ladies my age for chatting and lunch?

I am supposed to meet one more woman on Friday but the flight part of me wants to cancel. I'm not sure I can go through the awkwardness one more time. It is much easier to stay put in my own routine surrounded by my own bubble.

But then I remind myself how precious life is with those friends I've enjoyed in the past. Do I want to do the next thirty or so years alone?

The same answer always surfaces. I enjoy people.

But this is hard, God.

Again, I'm reminded that nothing worth having is ever easy. Friends, too. If I want friends, I have to show myself friendly. Even if it's hard. Even if I get rejected.

 Even if I have to play trivia games or do pool aerobics.

Pass me the milk, please.






18 comments:

Joyce Ackley said...

I hope your lunch date with your new friend went well, and I'm hoping the same for your Friday luncheon. I have a few friends, but since I am retired and most of my friends work, it's hard for them to to get out during the week. I'm not shy about talking with strangers or meeting new people; I just can't seem to meet any new friends. As a senior citizen with some mobility issues, it's hard to get out and about anymore. Several years ago, I went on a tour of homes in the historical district (Dixieland) here in my city. Participants met at a church and took a trolley around the historical neighborhood. I met a lady on the trip, and we became friends and still keep in touch. I'm too old for the younger set, although I feel I'm young at heart. Many friends my own age have spouses, and that poses a problem. I feel as if I'm intruding. I think it's a good idea to post a notice about wanting to meet new friends. Sooner or later you'll meet someone you feel a connection with, and it'll be great.

Joyce Ackley said...

I hope your lunch date with your new friend went well, and I'm hoping the same for your Friday luncheon. I have a few friends, but since I am retired and most of my friends work, it's hard for them to to get out during the week. I'm not shy about talking with strangers or meeting new people; I just can't seem to meet any new friends. As a senior citizen with some mobility issues, it's hard to get out and about anymore. Several years ago, I went on a tour of homes in the historical district (Dixieland) here in my city. Participants met at a church and took a trolley around the historical neighborhood. I met a lady on the trip, and we became friends and still keep in touch. I'm too old for the younger set, although I feel I'm young at heart. Many friends my own age have spouses, and that poses a problem. I feel as if I'm intruding. I think it's a good idea to post a notice about wanting to meet new friends. Sooner or later you'll meet someone you feel a connection with, and it'll be great.

Lynn said...

Congratulations on getting out of your comfort zone! I've been blessed to meet new friends through my church community (small group studies) and through courses I have taken. I know my girlfriend who is recently married, is having troubles finding couple friends! Our church did a 'speed friends' activity which mimicked speed dating but was about making new friends. Also, meet-up groups (like photography) haven't always resulted in new friendships for me, but they did give me a chance to get out and experience others while all doing a hobby we all love. May you be blessed with a kindred spirit (maybe even while doing pool aerobics)!

Janet Grunst said...

Ha ha. Sounds like you may be an introvert. I understand completely. It takes effort, but friendship is a gift that we sometimes need to stretch ourselves to give and to receive. Good for you, Terri, for making the effort.

Melissa Marsh said...

I really admire you for going out on a limb and attempting to make friends. I have such a hard time with that. I am an introvert to the extreme - which is why I'm very glad I have the Internet where I can connect with lots and lots of people without having to leave my house! :D

Lily Robinson said...

You are so easy to talk to, I'm sure many of these ladies will want to get together with you. It is hard, though. But life is better when shared.

Lin Floyd said...

we your blogging friends are all impressed....risking is part of life. You are not just making a friend but becoming a friend to someone else...may blessings follow your efforts!

heckety said...

I can relate to the effort this takes. Making friends has never come easy to me, and although I know a lot of people and would chat to anyone,there are very few through my life whom I count as friends. It takes an investment of time for people to trust each other. I guess that's the same everywhere. I think what another lady says though is true, sometimes we can be a friend and that is what someone needs, without feeling that they would return the favour, and there are times that is what is required of us. That is certainly how I see many of the people I know, they would not be there for me but all that is asked is that I do what is next to me. Difficult and lonely at times.
Sermon over!!!! And good luck!

Karen Jones Gowen said...

I don't think I could ever do what you are doing, and I applaud you for it. Right now my friends are all home grown-- family: sisters, daughters, daughters in law and of course husband. I'm not sure what I'd do if I felt the need to go out in search of a friend. It would definitely be hard.

Kenda Turner said...

I would guess the other ladies who responded were pretty nervous, too. It's always hard to get to know new people. But yes, that was courageous of you to reach out. Thank you for sharing your struggles--and your brave way of addressing them. We are inspired by your example and cheer you on as "friends" here in cyberspace that haven't yet met you in person!

quietspirit said...

I have to hand it to you; you are braver than I. I don't think I could advertise for a friend online. I hope you enjoy these new 'friends'.

Karen Lange said...

I hope you don't mind if I make mine chocolate milk! :) I too, have to talk myself through these situations sometimes, as I prefer to stay in my comfort zone rather than venture out. Hope it all went well and you are on your way to making new and wonderful friends!

Retired English Teacher said...

I'm hoping the lunch dates went well. This is hard to do. Putting yourself out there is very difficult. Building community is really hard. I had an interesting experience. Did I tell you about it? If so, forgive the retelling. I met a woman in my small HOA community. We seemed to connect. Almost a year later she called to ask if we could have lunch. We talked and shared and she said I was one she really wanted to connect with. We decided to meet once a month to write together. She then called and said she'd like to meet twice a month. We set a time to have lunch and write. We met, We ate. We shared. We wrote. I thought it was all good. Then she sent me an email and said she just was too busy to meet again. This was in April. Could we talking about meeting again after September. In the meantime, she would not be available for phone calls or texts or emails. I felt dropped. I don't know what to think!

Robin Lambright said...

I applaud your efforts, have you found a church in your new community yet? Joining in on activities that interest you is always a good way to meet new folks. Kinda lays the ground work for a jumping off point...like the writers groups you have been part of.

Blessings
R

Trying to blog a bit more often...

Robin Lambright said...

I applaud your efforts, have you found a church in your new community yet? Joining in on activities that interest you is always a good way to meet new folks. Kinda lays the ground work for a jumping off point...like the writers groups you have been part of.

Blessings
R

Trying to blog a bit more often...

Robin Lambright said...

I applaud your efforts, have you found a church in your new community yet? Joining in on activities that interest you is always a good way to meet new folks. Kinda lays the ground work for a jumping off point...like the writers groups you have been part of.

Blessings
R

Trying to blog a bit more often...

Becky L. said...

Good that you are stepping out to meet new people and hopefully u will connect with them again. Sometimes I feel like being a person who stays within my house, my comfort zone.....maybe a few days. But not a lifetime. I pray it goes well for you.

Denise said...

Oh how I can relate to this post. My childhood/teenage friendships came and lasted so easily,even into My 20s. After I married way back in time now, My husband became My only long lasting friend,except for of course My two Sisters,but even My Sisters and I don't have that many "Likes" in common. I respect Your brave effort. Enjoyed this post-Denise