Monday, October 17, 2011

Are you a risk taker with your relationships?

A few months ago, my daughter and her husband jumped off a building in Las Vegas for the thrill of it. Oh they were safe enough, harnessed and all. But not safe enough for Mom and Dad.

Her decision to participate in this kind of activity is partially our fault. We raised her to take risks--getting on stage at an amusement park at age five, trying out for softball even when she thought she was no good, getting a job at a camp at aged fourteen, and moving to Florida to finish her final years of school.

I'm not so much of a risk taker although I've done my share--marrying a man with wanderlust, quitting a stable job of seventeen years to buy a store, driving across country to Texas. You've probably done similar things.

But when it comes to people and relationships I'm much more cautious.

In the past four years of  trying to keep afloat in the recession in Florida, many of our friends moved away for jobs or pulled away because we couldn't spend time with them like we had before. Some family members grew distant because of misunderstandings, others just didn't care that we were living on next to nothing and trying to survive.

So perhaps the hardest part of this move to Texas is putting my trust in people back on the table. My husband and I have made a deal--if anyone reaches out to us--we reach back. We want the fellowship we used to have.

But it's not so easy. Connecting with people isn't always that easy.

Last week a couple exchanged phone numbers with us in front of a Walgreen's Red box and invited us to their church.I've looked at the scrap of paper all week wondering if I should really call them. Wondering if they meant to be so friendly--and if we responded would it amount to anything?

My next step is to attend their church without calling first. Who knows? They just might remember us.

What risks in relationships have you taken recently?


PS We did attend the church on Sunday and they did remember us:) Step one --Check!

40 comments:

Karen Lange said...

This is a great attitude to have; I need to adopt it in more areas of my life. We moved to KY 7 years ago and I still find it a challenge to make new friends. I am blessed with a handful, and a good church too, but this makes me think. What areas of my life am I reaching out in and sowing good things? Thanks, Terri. Praying for you!
Blessings and hugs,
Karen

Jeanette Levellie said...

Good for you, dear Terri! I am so proud of you.

Relationships are the hardest, and the most rewarding entity in the universe.

Jesus was the biggest risk taker of all, and it got Him us. I hope He's gratified that He took the plunge!

Sarah Forgrave said...

I totally understand the hesitancy, Terri. I've been there. I'm glad you took the step to go to their church on Sunday! Sounds like God rewarded your step of faith.

Lynn said...

Relationships are often a leap of faith. I try to remember that I am made to be blessing to others, but others may not feel the same way! God has brought many new people in my life lately through the church I attend and the church singles groups. Just this weekend I took a risk and went on a surprise photo shoot with someone new I had only met once at a recent event. And afterward he asked, "Do you have enough room in your life for a new friend?" Ofcourse! God is going to bless you with many new friends in your new place, Terri! You are a blessing!

Heidi Willis said...

taking leaps of faith is always scary, and no matter how many you take, there will always be people who let you down. But there also will be those gems that will be such a blessing to you. You never know who will be the blessing, but you don't want to miss them when they are right in front of you!

Lisa Jordan said...

Change is hard, especially if you have more of an introverted personality. My friend just moved to VA, and she's trying to reach out to have a new circle of friendships. Praying God blesses you with close relationships.

Susan said...

Hi Terri...

I have found that friendships take a lot of time. Trust then builds, little by little.

I also TRY to remember that "Expectations are resentments waiting to happen." So if I expect a person is going to respond to something in a certain way, and doesn't, I can be very disappointed.

Guess the key is to just be yourself. Keep God first and foremost as the Number 1 friend in your life and He'll bring others to you, as well.

You are staring a new venture in life and that cannot be bad.

Let go of all resentments toward those who were unkind in Florida. Once you let go, you let God. Susan

Linda O'Connell said...

It is difficult to make new friends when you move to a new town. Most of our old friends have moved away or passed away, and finding new friends IS difficult. We have many acquaintances, which is not the same as a good friend. I miss having a next door neighbor friend, both of mine are not English speaking. We smile and nod. I am grateful for my critique group though. Those five women make my life bearable some days.
Hope you connect with some lovely people.

Tamika Eason said...

Lynn said it beautifully- relationships are a leap of faith!

I'm praying that God shower you with people that will love you with perfect love. Texas is a new beginning and a new testimony!

Love you Terri!

Sassy Granny ... said...

I'm always open to new friendships, though over the years I've had to learn to apply a dose of wisdom before jumping headlong. It never hurts to be prudent.

I know the more connected to people you become there, the more you'll feel at home. There's something so settling about establishing roots, and that always comes with relationships.

What an adventure! I just know this will work it's way into writings, if only to give them more color & dimension.

Jessica R. Patch said...

I was so thrilled to see a blog up from you! I enjoy reading about what's going on with you. :)

I think it's neat someone from a church gave you their number at the Red Box! My pastor calls those Divine Appointments, but I totally get the hesitancy. I'm exactly the same way!

I love people and chatting, but trust doesn't always come easily.

Have you bought a cowboy hat yet? :)

Joanne Sher said...

I'm just like Jessica - love people and chatting , but it takes a bit for me to trust. This is a GREAT post, Terri. Praying for your adjustments.

Loree Huebner said...

It is so good to see you!!

It's hard to trust (especially in new surroundings) but it's like anything else...baby steps.

I'm the same way too.

Jessica Bell said...

That's so wonderful that they remembered you! I think I put my trust in people too early, so I don't have this problem. But later on it gets difficult ...

Nancy said...

You are doing all the right things. I'm glad you went to that church and had good fellowship.

I wrote a letter to a woman I hadn't seen in some time. We were somewhere and exchanged addresses and phone numbers. I was hoping to hear from her, but when I didn't, I connected first.

Susan Roux said...

Hi Terri,

I'm just finding you again. Big changes have happened in your life. I'm happy your faith in God has led you to a more stable job market. I'm certain He will lead you to friendships and relationships as well. I've been on a friendship roller coaster lately. Nothing ever seems easy. Hang in there. God will continue to lead...

Diane said...

My husband decided to go sky diving on one of his business trips as of late. I was ok with it, but his mom was none too happy. Our life insurance was paid up so I figured it was ok...;O)

Margo Berendsen said...

Relationships are so hard!!! I'm so glad you went to that church and thrilled they remembered you!

I've invited so many families/couples/singles from our church over to our home for dinner, and almost never get an reciprocation. Which I know I'm not supposed to expect, because I know we arent' supposed to do it with that motivation. But I also long for friendships to develop, and despite my efforts, they never do. It never seems to move past the acquaintance stage.

Sorry, I'm dumping. I guess you hit a cord! I partially blame the fact that we all have such busy lives. But I also worry there is something about me that makes it difficult for me to connect with people.

Jill said...

I try to allow relationships to happen fluidly, rather than with me reaching out to anyone. Why? Experience has demonstrated that when I try to reach out in friendship, the friendship just never happens(never meant to be--you know people like that), or I'm snubbed (maybe for the same reason as the previous). If it's meant to be, it will be. That's my zen attitude about it.

Robin @ Be Still and Know said...

Well here's to step two and three and four.......


I am glad that you are stepping out and making Texas your new home. Finding that fellowship of believers is (to me) the most important first step. I hope that you find a place that feels like home very soon!


Blessings
R

Wendy Paine Miller said...

I take all kinds of risks. Some I've gotten into some trouble for and some I've been greatly rewarded for taking.

Learn as I go.
~ Wendy

Trisha said...

Great first step Terri, I will pray that God sends many friends your way in your new home. Sure hope you find a good church, and church family. Blessings.

Kenda Turner said...

Looking back, it seems most of my close friendships developed with parents of kids the same age as mine. We all went to the same activities, etc. Now that the kids are grown, we've naturally drifted apart. Your struggles make me think that maybe it's time for me to reconnect. Your story is one of challenge and faith--and inspiration. Hang in there, be yourself, and trust that the unexpected friendships are just ahead :-)

Eileen Astels Watson said...

That's awesome, Terri! I thought they would!

It's tough building those relationships, but so worth the effort!

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

What growth... to take hold of the reach of others and to risk relationship. I've had a couple of opportunities in recent days to reach out/back to strangers. I hope to form solid, new relationships with others. It's time...

peace~elaine

Lin Floyd said...

well our writer's group is having a crisis in leadership right now with the old officers fighting new ideas and resigning. Now they have attacked the new officer and she is resigning. Talk about frustrating. No one cares. just protecting their own egos....

Carol Riggs said...

Good for you. You're in a place right now where you DO need to take "risks" and maybe step outside your comfort zone. I went to a writer's retreat and made my introverted self sit with someone new at mealtimes, nearly every mealtime, so I could get to know some other Oregon writers. It was actually fun!

Rachna Chhabria said...

Hi Terri...friendships and relationships take time to build. They have to be nurtured. I do take risks, but sometimes I try to play safe. Its great that the couple remembered you.

Maria I. Morgan said...

Glad to hear that you're adjusting to TX! I remember our move from OH to GA - I wanted to develop close relationships right away. But like most things that are valuable - relationships take time. I think it's great that you attended the church and that the people you met remembered you! Keep taking those steps. God bless!

Lynda R Young said...

That's so great. I think those kind of risks pay off in the end.

Jessica Nelson said...

Hmmmm. Good question. I don't know if I am or not.
How fun that they remembered you! I hope you had fun at the church. It's so weird to think you're not nearby anymore.

Jackee said...

Sooo glad they remembered you! What a lovely story. Sometimes I think we can meet someone and become fast friends quickly. As if our souls can speak to eachother. Other times you have to cultivate friendships.

I think one of the hardest things in life is learning to trust and love people that come into our lives. (Esp. in-laws. lol)

My biggest risks? Just saying I'm a writer feels like a huge risk to me most days. :o)

Have a lovely day, Terri! I've missed your blog--sorry I'm such a slacker!!

Diane said...

What a great post, Terri! I can totally relate. I need to remember your words. Thank you!

Stacy Henrie said...

I'm such an introvert that it's tough to push out of my comfort zone and make new friends. But more often than not, it's a good experience and worth the flurry of nerves beforehand. :)

Glad you went and they remembered you!

Melissa Marsh said...

I was more of a risk taker in college and in my twenties. Now, I am uncomfortable taking risks. I think we all go through stages in life, and I think this may be my "hibernate" stage. How long it will last is anyone's guess!

I'm glad you took the risk and went to church. Good for you!

Keli Gwyn said...

I'm glad to hear you're taking risks and working on establishing relationships, Terri. And I'm very glad you went to church and were recognized by your new friends. May there be many more connections made in the weeks and months ahead.

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

Hi Terri -

I'm so glad your reaching out again. Friendships make life rich and full.

When I first moved here, I didn't know anyone but my husband. I was homesick and overwhelmed with all the adjustments.

It wasn't long before I met some folks. Some of the relationships worked out, and some didn't. They all filled a need during that season of life.

I'd say I'm a risk taker with relationships, but I'll leave the jumping off buildings to your daughter. :)

Blessings,
Susan

Carole said...

Having a new beginning is not easy is some ways but it is reassuring to know that it is no surprise to God - He was already there before you arrived:-) Finding a home church is something I am doing also and settling into a different home and community - on my own. I hope my blog Relfections will bring some comfort to you as it is about prayer this time:-) Blessings. - Carole

LisaShaw said...

Hi Terri,

It's been a while since I've visited with you. I pray you and your family are well.

You hit on a subject that in many ways I'm living out now in terms of having to "trust" and make relationships. Much I could say but instead I'll just say, I can relate. Said a prayer for you and your family as you trust God and use wisdom in reaching out/reaching back and opening your heart.

Love and blessings

Nehha said...

Yes, connecting with people isn't always that easy.