Monday, June 19, 2017

Heart Shifts


I find myself waking early before the golden light shines through my bathroom windows and into my bedroom. My brain shifts into gear and soon I'm lying in bed, detailing my plans for the day. Update my book on Amazon, write a tweet that will drive traffic to the book, watch a few videos on YouTube about portrait photography, make a cleaning schedule and plan what's for dinner. 

Then I roll over. Shut my eyes. Wonder where my life is going. 

I had hoped to be living in Pennsylvania by now--working on our home, planting a raised garden, photographing the hills and rivers, looking out my front windows from the desk I purchased four years ago and has since been buried beneath boxes of all my household goods.

Instead, I'm here. In Florida. Carving a life in a town where I am uniquely familiar with every CVS, WalMart and Publix. And I can't forget Panera where once a month I meet my writer friend for lunch.

But my brain and heart keep pulling me north to the place where so much sweat and love went into. I roll over on my back, stare at the fan blades revolving over my head. I'm blessed. I'm healthy. I am luckier than many people. I go through my list of why I should not have one complaint in the world. I tell myself others would kill to be living six miles from the beach, in a community of nice people, with the ability to stay home and work.

I know I'm blessed. I thank God every day. So why does my heart keep plunging me into thoughts of my other home? Why can't I anchor it here? Obviously, this town is where God wants me to be so why can't I get my heart on board with that plan? What am I doing wrong? 

Finally I shift my blankets off me and touch my toes to the floor, grounding myself to today's plan. Thankful. Happy. Trusting. Shutting the blinds to my northern home for another day.

 



7 comments:

Lillian Robinson said...

I can understand the pull of the other home and living in a temporary situation. For the past six months, I did not want to get to know my neighbors or take part in the social functions. I knew that I would soon be leaving them. It's hard to invest in temporary.

Lin Floyd said...

life will always be full of challenges wherever we live but holding onto the expectations that will be easier if only doesn't help our contentment with wherever we are planted if only for the moment...

Melissa Marsh said...

Beautifully written, Terry. You will be in Pennsylvania in God's time. Sometimes we have to be patient and wait, which is probably one of the hardest things to deal with. :)

Lynda R Young said...

Sometimes it takes time to settle into a new place.

quietspirit said...

Terri; God answers our prayers in His time and in His way. We have times when we want to do something but God sometimes answers our requests with "Not now." We have to be patient and remember that He is in control.

Cathy said...

I hear your longing for a different home, however our heavenly home is the best, and our ultimate and wonderful destination. I'm saying this to remind myself, as well. God has taken so much away from me in the past couple of years, but he has given me HIM, and that is more than enough. And when I say that, the words feel so weak, but they're what we have to work with. God's taken things away, but I've also seen that I need to be (and am) willing to give it all to Him. The fearful part of me cries, "But God, not that too ..." The faithful part of me says, "I was bought with the precious blood of the lamb. Thy will be done." Anyway, Terri--I love your posts! Hugs to you in your longing for your PA home.

Marja Verschoor-Meijers said...

I have learned that until I am content with the place where I am (in life or location) there will be no shift :)
I hope Florida will give you some special inspiration and a person that needs your attention... so, afterwards you will know why you were there.