Build Me Up, Buttercup

Confidence

I’m going to tackle a tough topic today. One that has been plaguing me for quite a while now.

Ok, so some of you might prefer to skip on to the next blog as this one might not apply to you. But for many of us, having or lacking confidence means the difference between a manageable day or a great day.

In the past two weeks, I’ve gone on two interviews. The first one with a manager who told me she liked me and thought I would work for the position. My confidence soared. After a year of searching for a job, I thought I finally snagged one.

But then she told me she wanted me to meet her boss. “He’s good at reading people,” she said.

Not a problem, I told myself. I’d already aced her interview—how hard could the next one be?

My confidence built as I drove the twenty miles to meet this man who I needed to impress. I wore my best going-to-an-interview outfit, applied new make-up and bolstered myself with positive thoughts and words.

After ten minutes of talking with him, I felt the first drops of my confidence melting.

A week later, and no call, my confidence is now a pile of bones in the corner.

A roller coaster. A ski slope. A fast-moving highway. A dark tunnel. Pick one. That’s the confidence ride.

If you are a job seeker, a new mother, a writer, a new employee—the list goes on—you know what I mean when I say this: My confidence is either going to carry me through or let me down.

In this case—it let me down and I don’t like it one bit.

But I know why.And therein lies the problem.

I’m trying to do it all on my own. I’m my biggest cheerleader and critique all at once.

The guy hated me. I shouldn’t have brought up the hours. I’m a real idiot for asking a question . . .

Get my picture? I’m sure God does. I’m sure he’d like to remind me where my confidence needs to come from every day. And you know what? I think I might just let him have a try because I can't do it myself anymore.

Where is your confidence coming from today?

Motel 6

When we first braved family vacations, we bought a two-man tent and made the rounds of neighboring campgrounds. Eventually, the ground grew too hard for our backsides and we upgraded to cots. Then came motels at Disney. Finally, we broke down and purchased a time share with all the extras--a kitchen to cook our meals, a huge living room and tons of facilities on the grounds for use. All in a matter of six years.

I've written three books so far. Working on my fourth. During that time period, I've picked up several good books on the craft of writing fiction.

Know what I've figured out?

I've missed a few important stops along the way.

So that brings me to my next thought. What's my rush? Why aren't I taking my time to hone my skills so I can be confident my work is where it should be? Why do I think I can skip some steps?

Maybe because I think once I publish a book, it will validate me more as a writer?
Maybe because I think I'm getting older and I need to get it done sooner?
Maybe because it is expected?

Some of my fondest vacation memories took place in the woods, being bitten by the mosquitoes, camped out around a campfire toasting marshmallows. Good memories of a young family. The kind I cherish. The kind I can't go back to again but the kind that taught me more about my family than a day laying around a resort pool.

Writing my first book felt almost the same way. I wrote it with passion and with the knowledge that God wanted me to get that story out on paper.

Am I doing that with my current WIP?

What about you? Have you left the campground behind? Are you on a fast track to your future or are you cherishing the steps along the way?

Turning up the Heat

Have you ever stood in a crowd of people? Perhaps at a party or a sports event--anywhere. You're talking to one particular person, maybe the one you came with but for some reason your attention keeps getting diverted. You start noticing that other man or woman standing nearby. The one who has a way with his words, or a certain way he reacts--with an engaging smile or an infectious laugh.

You turn from who you are supposed to be giving all your attention to in order to listen to them.

On Monday as I sat in the waiting room while my husband had his surgery, (thank you for all your prayers! He's on the mend.) I pulled out The Fire in Fiction by Donald Maass. I'd purchased the book so it would arrive in time for me to read that day.

As I read the chapter about our heroes and protagonists, I finally figured out why I kept turning away from my main character in my current WIP. I figured out why the other character kept grabbing my attention.

He needed to be the main character. He exhibits the possiblity of hero qualities. Not the whiny woman who I thought I could transform. He isn't pefect but he's the one I relate to most.

Ok so that means some heavy revisions but I'm glad I listened. I'm glad I caught my problem at 16,000 words rather than later.

Are you listening to your characters--to your heart--to what your instincts are telling you about them? Have you had to make some major character changes early on?

Making a Difference

This morning, my neighbor told me her pet bird died last night. She'd had it for seven years and loved it like a child. A week ago, she dropped a weight at the gym and broke her toe. Two months before that, her fifteen year-old cat died. She buried it herself but a coyote dug it up the next day. Ten months ago, her husband of seventeen years left her for another woman after being unemployed a year and drinking day and night.

She cried as she stood before me with her shovel in her hand. She told me God had given her enough. She couldn't take any more.

I wanted to cry with her because I've been there too very recently. But instead I shared with her something from a book I'd just read--a book lovingly sent to me by a blogger friend this past week. It encouraged her as much as it had encouraged me.

We're making a difference as bloggers. As much as we're making a difference as writers.

Tomorrow instead of being online, I'll be sitting in a hospital room waiting for my husband's surgery to take place. Waiting for the doctor to come out and tell me it went fine. I'll worry, because that's what we do when loved ones go through trials. But I'll also take with me the comfort that many of you will be praying along with me.

And that's what really counts. Isn't it?

Proud of you!

My daughter called me early this morning from her home in Seattle. "We bought a car last night. I hope you will be proud of the deal I got."

Three years ago, she and her new husband bought their first car together. The deal proved less than desirable but it was their first time out working with a car salesmen. When her husband wrecked their vehicle last week, she called me for advice. Both my husband and I coached her on how to do research and get the most for their money and most of all--not to be taken.

"You did awesome!" I told her when she shared the details. "I'm so proud of you."

After I said those words, I could hear the anxiety in her voice disappear. Her smile came through the phone. It reminded me of the many times during her softball games when she'd looked back at us after a good catch.

Funny how we need that approval. Someone to tell us how proud they are of our abilities.

I still need that with my writing as much as she still needs it with her spending.

Who pats you on your back for your writing efforts?

As a community of writers, I hope we continue to do that for each other, no matter how many times we've been published or not.

I like looking over my shoulder and seeing all of you. I hope you can see me cheering you on.

Why I didn't win the contest but won something even better.

I try to share with you everything in my writing journey as it comes along. A few months ago, I entered the Launching a Star contest with RWA. Yeah, I was hopeful and nervous but willing to pay some money to get a critique from a huge publisher and an agent who's blog most of us read.

Here's some of the feedback I received that to me was well worth all I spent.

Two critiquers. Scores: 118/150 and 137/150. I can live with that.

Comments: I'm only going to give you the needs, not the good stuff, cause it was the needy areas I focused onto when I opened that packet. Don't we all?

Exernal conflict could be stronger. How could things be worse? The problem I find is the fresh twist. Something needs to be more at risk.

Ramp up the tension.

Clearly define the motivations. Show clear internal/external conflicts.

So there you have it. My weak areas in writing fiction.

What this feedback does for me is allows me to immediately incorporate it into my current WIP.

Every time we learn something new, our writing grows and improves. But it takes some putting it out there to find those need areas, whether it is with a critique group or a contest or submitting it to an agent.

How have you recently put your work out there to find your need areas?

As far as I'm concerned, I won another chance to improve.

A lot of this and that . . .

Wow! You all really blessed me this week with your entries--I was blown away by the number!- and by the comments on my interview. Thank you for giving me so many blessings.

I decided to pick 4 winners instead of one: Jeannette, Julie G., Journaling Woman, and Analisa. Please send me your addresses and I will put a book in the mail this week. Let me know if you want it signed to someone or not:)

Other news-- I found out at 5pm last night after working all week that they filled the position. Not with me. With a relative. Ok. I really didn't like the job but had hoped it would happen as I understood it to be. So I'm back in the world looking for work again. What it did for me, though, was renew my confidence that I can go back into the working segment and survive.

God has a plan. I still believe that.

Finally, Deborah, a fellow blogger, is giving away some great gifts at her blog. If you get a chance, pop over and say hello!

See you next week when I share some of the critique comments I received from a RWA contest and how I can use then to improve my story.

Read my Interview:)

Hey everyone--I'm being interviewed today (first time ever!) over at Keli Gwyn's blog, Romance Writers on the Journey. I would love it if you stopped over and visited me. Please leave a comment or ask me anything you want. She also is giving away a fabulous prize that a new writer could really use someday:) Thanks!

Win a book!

I'm giving away a new book! "The Blessing Sheet" is my sixth story to be published by Chicken Soup for the Soul. Many of you know my husband and I have been going through some recession trials. Chicken Soup for the Soul has put together a great book of stories for people to inspire them during these tough times. And hey, my story is the first one in the book, so please leave a comment and I will pick a winner on Saturday!