Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Where's your trust?

I was in a bad mood yesterday morning. It was time for my yearly mammogram. Now, I really don't mind going to get it done. What I mind is the wait afterward. Will I get a call saying I need to go back or will I be given another year's reprieve?

I almost put off going for a few more months, but whenever I considered it, I either heard about or read about someone who had gotten breast cancer. This is not the year I want to receive bad medical news. My insurance has changed, I have a doctor I don't like, we're still unemployed and we have financial needs.

I've been trusting God with all the other areas in my life but for some reason, I shrank at trusting him with my health. So where is my faith? I thought. After wrestling with my fears, I finally gave in. If he is big enough to take care of everything else in my life, He is big enough to trust in this area--the area that trips me every year.

It's funny how we give over some parts of our lives but not everything. I've done that with my writing, too. I've trusted him enough to know that if he wants me to write for him, he'll give me the opportunities to share. But when the struggle to put the right words down on paper becomes too much, I take back that faith. I let my fears overcome me. I want to put my writing off just like I wanted to with the appointment.

Are you letting your fears of failure prevent you from writing? Are your fears stopping you from taking whatever the next step is you need to take?


Eileen Astels Watson said...

Terry, I'll be praying for words of health to come. I hate the waiting game, too.

Fears? Yup, I've got lots of them, but I find I can always justify them somehow which then confuses me into wondering if staying clear is really what I'm to be doing. I talk myself in circles ALL the time. So frustrating.

The fear of not being ready keeps me from submitting my mss. The fear of struggling to make my words obey, makes me always procrastinate before opening up that word document. The list goes on and on.

Your right, we need to give our fear over to God, and present everything to Him in trust. Doing that is difficult, though, when He doesn't send you a clear message of His desire for you with each circumstance.

Prayer, here I come!

Yolanda said...

Absolutely! What I posted this morning has been on my heart since Saturday. Saturday, my friend....

And I too tend to shrink back when it comes to my own health.

Like Beth tells us in Esther



Donna M. Kohlstrom said...

Adding you to my prayer list for good report on your mammogram. Of course, you and hubby are always on my list for employment and financial prayer.

Lin said...

self talk is your critique at work, one of the best ways to silence him is to write down all the foolish fears to get them out. write until there are no more negatives then analyze what is there and face the fears or give them to God. I feel the same way every year about mammograms and especially since one year there was something suspicious and I ended up having a needle biopsy then a regular biopsy before the doctors determine it was harmless-that was a real test of faith.

Greg C said...

I do the same thing. I try to have faith in every area of my life but there are some areas where I fall short.

Sassy Granny ... said...

I absolutely loathe my annual poke-n-prod!

You raise such an interesting subject. Just this morning, on my drive from home to work, I was fretting some. A scripture interrupted my worry (I hate it when that happens!!), the one about "seek first the kingdom and His righteousness ...". It was as if God were telling me to get my eyes back where they belong and let Him do the fretting.

So now I'm pondering AGAIN what that means ... seeking Him & His kingdom first, and then having everything else added to my life. It's so contrary to my nature ... yet such a powerful promise. I'm thinking I'll be all day, if not all week pondering (I love it when that happens!!).

What a privilege it is to share your authenticity!


Jessica said...

I'm sure there are areas where I have fear. When I have something on submission I tend to write less in my wip, I don't know why. I also shy away from confrontations. I hate them, even though sometimes peaceful confrontation is needed.
I hate fear. I'm always quoting Timothy.

Melissa Marsh said...

Excellent post, Terri. I think there are certain areas where I am not putting my trust in the Lord, either. Thanks for the reminder!

Angie Ledbetter said...

No because I fear running out of time more than failure. :)

T. Anne said...

Our mortality really spells out our fragility I can attest to that. When I was young I was very ill and God healed me I've always trusted him since then. I know we all have to go sometime I just pray for continued health, life is such a gift! One day we'll have eternity but it would be nice if we weren't the first ones there! ;)

Jody Hedlund said...

I have a fear of not getting everything done I need to! But I guess that motivates me to work really hard! So sometimes fear is a good thing.

Alleluiabelle said...

Years ago I used to let fear pretty much take over my entire life. When I became a Christian several years ago, and since then have faced so many physicial maladies and surgeries, I've learned to put all of my faith trust in Him. I have to. I wouldn't be able to get through a day if I didn't. It's funny how our fleshly ways want to move in and take over a lot of the time, but there is someone much bigger who wants to move in and take over our lives completely and guide us on our way to a brighter journey in this lifetime.

Thank you Father for this fine woman. Thank you for her genuine honesty about all things here. Thank you for her prodding US along to face whatever fears we may have so that they can be taken captive and set free through You.

Thank you Terri for such a wonderful post.

Hugs & Blessings,

BeckyJoie at Leaders in Learning said...

Yes, actually I just sent in a story to Faithwriters based on that fear I call "page fright". I also understand the health fears. I will be praying for you.

Jan Cline said...

Well, you hit it on the head agian! Yup, been discouraged about the writing. Thanks for the post friend.

Carmen Gamble said...

Aaaah...I've been there several times! What a relief it is when I realize that nothing happens to me that God has not allowed! If he's allowed it, He'll also help me through it! Good post!