I wanted someone to save me.
I wanted something to save both of us.
It took almost three years to figure out that no one would or could. (I'm a slow learner.)
When my life crashed almost three years ago, I hoped and prayed that someone would fix everything for us. Someone would offer either of us the perfect job, pay off our house, send a fat check, or come up with a solution to all of our pain. Yeah, I dreamed huge every day I walked to the mailbox. It was the highlight of my day.
I even began to hope that I'd win the dream house on the HGTV contest or someone we didn’t know would leave us a fortune in their will.
My imagination soared to new heights. Too bad I couldn't have channeled some of that energy into a bestselling book.
As time passed and all of the above didn’t happen, I moved from sadness, to anger, to disbelief and finally to hopelessness that when times of trouble hit, the phone wasn’t going to ring to save us. No one would. The magic bullet didn't exist.
During this period, my attitude certainly wasn’t what it should be. I drove a lot of people away with my negativity, my emotions and my belief that life would never again be what it should be. Sure, I was depressed. Anyone would be. Sure, I still prayed. All the time. But I had grown quite unlikeable and trusted no one or anything.
And I never got it that only God could get me through this.
At least not until over two and a half years had passed. Who would have thought it would take me this long to get to that understanding? Me, a believer for more than forty years? Someone who reads the Bible, quotes scripture and goes to church regularly?
Maybe it’s because I’ve never experienced this kind of fear or helplessness before.
When life is good. Life is good. It's really easy to tell yourself what you would do if ever life turns bad. I sure did.
My point in writing this post isn’t to go on about what happened to me. The kind of life-changing day we experienced back in August of 2007 also happened to thousands of others and probably is might still be today to someone else. And sadly they might go down the same path we did—putting false hope where it shouldn’t be.
I'm not a preachy person. It isn't my style. But I promised myself that if ever I started to get this whole situation, I'd let others know.
Take the direct route first. Trust that God will see you through.
I’m still here, you see. Eating, writing and dreaming. It's taken me almost three years to be able to look back to be able to believe it, though.When I think of all the sleepless nights, fearful thoughts--the list goes on--and I see I am still here surviving, I can only shake my head. What a waste of my emotions.
And if by some chance I do lose my house, my savings, and all my plans (Still a good chance). . . I know won’t have lost everything.
I'll still have the One who keeps all his promises.
In His time.
So here's my wind-up.(You knew it was coming.) Everybody goes up their own hill. (You also know that quote.) But like writing, sometimes learning from others shortens that hike. Gives us some help along the way.
I'd like to think my time in the wilderness might shorten someone else's time there.
Are you going the direct route?
Thanks for listening. I owned this one to God. And think of me as I am zooming over the skies about right now headed to Seattle and a huge hug from my girl and grandson.