I want to return to kindergarten where making friends was as easy as passing a milk carton.
In the past week, I've met three new ladies. Two last week and today I ate lunch with a woman who has been here three weeks. My heart raced as I neared the restaurant--all my old insecurities rising to my throat. Would we instantly bond? Treasure a new-found friendship? Decide it's easy to talk?
Why did I ever set myself up for this? Why can't I do life alone, being content with my husband as my only friend down here in my new community? Why did I place an ad in our online website asking to meet other ladies my age for chatting and lunch?
I am supposed to meet one more woman on Friday but the flight part of me wants to cancel. I'm not sure I can go through the awkwardness one more time. It is much easier to stay put in my own routine surrounded by my own bubble.
But then I remind myself how precious life is with those friends I've enjoyed in the past. Do I want to do the next thirty or so years alone?
The same answer always surfaces. I enjoy people.
But this is hard, God.
Again, I'm reminded that nothing worth having is ever easy. Friends, too. If I want friends, I have to show myself friendly. Even if it's hard. Even if I get rejected.
Even if I have to play trivia games or do pool aerobics.
Pass me the milk, please.