(Warning, I might bleed on the paper today.)
What’s your safety net?
In the past three and a half years, I’ve lost about every one of mine. A steady income, jobs, savings, retirement accounts, friends, family members, church family, pride, dreams, hope, confidence and more. Some losses are of my own doing; most a direct effect from the poor economy.
Yes, I was a good Christian. I attended church faithfully, prayed, read my Bible, and tithed. I thanked God for everything I enjoyed. I might have even patted myself on the back a few times because my faith was so strong.
Look at me. I owned a Christian bookstore. I wrote Christian articles. I sent my daughter to a Christian college. I witnessed to people in the grocery line. You know the list. You probably have your own.
But as the losses piled up, and I had more in common with Job than I wanted, my faith wavered. Took a huge hit. I cried a lot. I got angry. Friends began to avoid me. I hopped around churches. And I prayed for someone to reach out and set my life right again.
Three and a half years later: that someone hasn’t come.
Because He was already there.
I needed to learn how to trust God even during the bad times. The times when life doesn’t feel worth living anymore. The times when I wake up and wonder why on earth am I still breathing? The times when the ache and pain of my losses weigh me down so that I can’t see anything good in the beyond.
My safety nets were full of holes.
I don’t know when I will ever have a normal life again. But God does and it isn’t my place to second guess His timing. If ever.
I might even need to endure more losses—my home, my health, my entire future. I hope not. I pray not.
So why write all this? Not an upbeat post, I know. Remember the warning?
I wrote it because maybe someone out there is depending on those same safety nets as I did. It’s easy when life is good. It’s easy to think we’ll always have work, money in the bank, a career, friends and family to support us. A person to bail us out when we can’t see straight.
I thought so too. But I was wrong.
Jesus is teaching me otherwise. Today, I’m hanging on to Him a little bit tighter. Are you?