Once upon a time I had big dreams to become a speaker. I’d always been comfortable in small groups as a counselor and figured it wouldn’t be much different.
My first engagement was to speak at a writers’ conference in Spokane. I still remember how I couldn’t breathe when my turn arrived. My windpipe locked up and I had to whisper my first words. My audience kindly waited until eventually I could be heard and passing out was no longer imminent.
But I did it even though it was nothing like I imagined.
When my husband lost his job, we committed to making it through the tough days ahead of us no matter what. Somehow. Even if we couldn’t breathe most of the time. Even if we couldn’t lift a foot out of bed most mornings. Even if we imagined the world caving in around us.
We made it even though it was nothing like we imagined.
My dreams today no longer include becoming a speaker even though I still have a speaker page on my blog. (I don’t know how to delete it!) My dreams are much smaller but more important. Like making a life surrounded by friends. Learning how to wake up and experience real joy instead of fear. Finding a place to call home.
Nothing like the dreams I imagined a woman my age would dream.
Maybe someday God will add speaking to my dreams again and give me the breath to do it. Until then, I’m breathing life.
What dreams has God breathed for you today?