Thursday, March 29, 2012

I hear that train a coming...

I know.

My blog has taken a crazy turn in the past few months. Partially because I’m not writing as much as I was and partially because I’m finding my way with what I do want to write.

I’m not there yet.

The good news is though that lately I’ve been able to step back and look at my life with clearer eyes. Until recently, I’ve been caught in a swirl of change and living my days with extreme effort. But in the past few weeks, I’ve felt myself coming back by not allowing the fears of change to swell up around me as they have done now for awhile.

That is good news. It means I will make it.

I had doubts?

 I sure did. I’ve spent many hours in my living room chair wanting to cry because I could no longer take the newness or sadness or change.  I’ve begged God on more than one occasion to give me my old life back. I want good friends, a close family and a home I can call my own. Enough of this moving about and starting over with everything.

But then maybe that’s also the direction He’s taking me with my writing.

All I know is what I’ve written in the past no longer satisfies me.

I think most of us get to a point with our writing where we sense God changing our paths.  As for me, I’m still stuck at the railroad crossing waiting for the train to pass.

So I ask you to be patient with me as I find my focus. It’s there. Always is.

So tell me – what’s God turning around in your life today?


Amie Borst said...

change is so hard.

but sometimes it can be just as difficult to hear what god wants for us in the chaos of our own dreams and ambitions as well as daily life.

glad you found your way!

Joanne Sher said...

Change IS tough - praying that you see where God wants you, and follow it.

I've gone back and forth between "God gifted me to be a writer - but NOT a novel writer" to "learn more stuff and see if He does want you to writer novels" and maybe to "yeah - I can learn this and write a novel - is that what you want, Lord?"

I'll get it eventually.

Connie Arnold said...

I know how you feel, Terri. I went through that several years back, and the blessings that have resulted are wonderful! Praying that you will soon see those blessings that the Lord has brought you through the changes in your life.

Julie Jarnagin said...

I think God constantly has me reevaluating my writing situation. I need to do that to keep focused on the most important things in my life like my relationships with God and my family. Most recently the changes came with transitions within the book line. It was just another reminder that He has a plan for me, and I can't get too hung up in my own dreams and goals. His ways are infinitely better.

Loree Huebner said...

I hope that someday you and I can talk, Terri.

This is an important patient and listen. Take all the time you need. Everything will all fall in place in front of you...I'll keep you in my thoughts.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

I've been all over the map with everything in the last week. I'm not a good one to speak on this. That being truth, the greater truth is that I know my sure and certain hope is anchored in Jesus Christ. I have no where else to turn that affords me eternal peace, regardless of the struggles constraining me.

Praying you find Christ your close and comforting companion as you seek to make sense of the madness. I'm right there with you, friend.


Margo Berendsen said...

I'm at the crossroads of trying to balance a family with young kids and a teenager, a job and a deep longing to spend more time with family, God and finishing/polishing 4 novels I've written but often failing like I'm barely getting by with all four things.

I know if i put my focus on God first, I'll do better with the other three. But I keep putting Him off,,, why???

Thank you for sharing your troubles; your posts - even though I sense your frustration and even sadness - somehow your posts still always encourage me.

Lin Floyd said...

Can't remember if I commented or not but here goes...lately the direction I'm going is POETRY which is fine with me.

Cheryl Klarich said...

I would love to read a book about a woman trying to find her focus... hopefully not in the parking lot... ;)

(I can never remember where I parked...)

Susan said...

Hi Terri...I can SO identify with the thoughts in your post today. In 1990, when we had a cross-country move (that I DIDN'T want to make), I thought I would die.

I cried, got sick, fought, screamed, ranted, raved, cried some more, and finally, surrendered. But those days of being "in the fire" were not at all pleasant.

All I can tell you is that I'm living proof that "this, too, shall pass." I'm back on the east coast (where I want to be) and I'm as close to happy as I'll probably ever get. God is good, Terri. He is good.

Hang in there and may His blessing pour down on you like rain. Susan

Retired English Teacher said...

Terri, I get it. I understand. I am going through the most difficult four months of my life after going through what I thought were the worst two years of my life. I am trying to find my way back to myself. That may sound strange because I doubt I will ever be the same. That is ok. God is doing some sort of transformation; I don't know what that will mean yet. I just know He is changing me, and that means it will be for the good.

momto8 said...

such a cliche but so true..let go and let God. good luck!!!!

Beth K. Vogt said...

Here's one thing I'm seeing in all these blog posts:
Whatever you write ... it's going to be real.

Diane said...

I lived through it. For me it wa a seven year wilderness experience. I don't wish it on anyone. But, God's Grace held me until this trial was through. You will make it too, Terri!

And we all look forward to the new direction of your writing. We're all here for you!

Linda O'Connell said...

In the past month, I have been approached by three publishers to develop an anthology. I accepted and signed the contract for one, Publishing Syndicate. In my wildest dreams I never expected I'd be doing anything like this. I was so nervous and afraid, but I ask for guidance and trust in God to get me through. I think that too many people try to make things happen, and I LET things happen. I learned that as much I like to think I am in control, there is a greater power at work in my life.

The submission guidleines for over 35 anthology titles are posted on my blog. PLEASE send something. My book is Not Your Mother's Book...On Family.

Jessica R. Patch said...

Wish I could give you a REAL hug right now! Love your honesty. I'm always thankful to know God's plans are good, even when it feels like they plain ole suck.

Susan Roux said...

If you can take a deep breath and just accept where you are and stop putting expectations on everything like your life, your career, your writing, your friends, and just create; you'll be happier and the best work will flow from you.

Don't feel sorry for yourself. It's such a negative energy. Embrace that you are alive and breathing. It's your life and you can make it as wonderful as you'd like. It's not possessions that make you happy, it's more about attitude. Face the world with a smile and it will smile back!

Have a good day my friend.

Rachna Chhabria said...

Change is tough, Terri. There is always a lot of conflict with change, though we know that its inevitable, we still fight it.

Have a lovely week.

Jill Kemerer said...

I'm so glad you're starting to feel the pull of life getting better. Your books have always been from the heart, so I hope you keep writing them.

Nancy said...

I love your title. And I enjoy seeing how you react to the things in your life and you always come out on top. It has been great seeing you use your talents these three years. I know something important is going to emerge.

Kathryn Neff Perry said...

I read your post with interest. Several years ago I relocated as well. It is so hard, especially at my age to 'start over'.
While shopping one day for whatever...can't remember....I leaned over and sorted through a bunch of wooden signs. That morning I had been feeling out of sorts, why am I here Lord? The sign that was staring back at me? Bloom where God plants's hanging in the room I spend lots of time in. Just as a reminder to me.
Hugs and many blessings to you my friend!

Karen Lange said...

I agree, I think our focus is always there, it just needs us to find it. And it shifts and changes sometimes. And it's all okay. Learning that myself these days. :)

Lynda R Young said...

The level of satisfaction in my life is one of God's ways of speaking to me, reminding me to rely on Him more, to make a change. Funnily enough that change is usually in my own attitudes rather than in my circumstances.
Praying you find your focus.

Julie Gillies said...

You've moved halfway across the country, Terri, so it's only normal to have your focus altered a bit. But I'm believing with you that you WILL find your focus. God is able!

(Love that Johnny Cash tune...)

Jeanette Levellie said...

Oh, I hope you NEVER have to sit in your chair and want to cry again. That's such a painful stab in your heart.

I think change is one of the hardest things to embrace. God is moving us in some new directions, too, and it's stressful, but I'm excited to see what's next!

You will find your niche', honey.

Deb Shucka said...

Sometimes we can't really hear what Got wants us to do until enough time has passed since what once worked no longer does. Have you considered writing narrative nonfiction? So much of what you're going through is exactly what many people are enduring these days - only you write about it with such grace and clarity.

Just Be Real said...

Great post. Yes, change in hard. But, I was pleasantly surprised by a recent change that I kind of welcomed it. PTL! Blessings.

Carol Riggs said...

Turning around--or turning upside-down? LOL I'm on the verge of something. I usually like things to stay the same...though change is often refreshing. Best wishes and prayers as you find your new focus. :)

Carol J. Garvin said...

Terri, I've been following your posts and relating to many of the things you've said. (We've moved a lot!)

My writing was something I'd always done, in one form or another, so when I had the urge to write novels it seemed like a natural progression. I wrote two before I began feeling God's nudging to write for the Christian market. Since I didn't enjoy reading Christian fiction this wasn't what I wanted to do. But when God has a plan, it's hard to ignore him! So I'm writing Christian fiction.

I haven't seen where this is going to take me, but I'm keeping an open mind, trusting he'll reveal that in his good time. Because I truly believe that when he sends us on a journey, he has a destination in mind.

Which is all said just to encourage you to keep writing, whether it's in your journal or on your blog, as online devotionals or magazine articles... or whatever. There's nothing wrong with backing out of the spotlight if that's what you need to do while you refocus, but if writing is your passion you'll keep at it as a personal outlet while you wait for God to tell you what's next. Blessings to you, Terri.

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

I'm so glad you are finding peace. You've been through a lot of changes in the past year or so. :)

Jessica Nelson said...

I hope you enjoy the ride! *hugs*
Not sure what He's doing, but when you have three little boys and a crazy fisherman husband, every day is topsy turvy. LOL
I've got no doubt that things are going to go well for you. :-)

Sassy Granny ... said...

There's a new song by Building 429 called "Where I Belong". You'll love it:

Jackie said...

Hey Terri,

Just about everyone I talk with lately is in some stage of flux or change right now. I just got off the phone with a dear friend and the first thing she mentioned were the changes and impending shifts happening in her life and trusting God through it all. I, too, sense a change coming in mine and my hubs life (again!)......Just last night the first scripture that I came to in my devotional was Genesis 12:1 where God told Abraham to move from his kindred and the land that was familiar to a unfamiliar place. I've been meditating upon this and believe that in the unfamiliar places He's leading us to/thru are going to be a places of clearer vision and focus of what He's put within us. The trials and tribulations that have been watered with our tears are going to bring forth a harvest of dreams realized, clear and focused purpose and a pure testimony of His faithfulness through it all!! (Hope this makes sense).

I can totally relate to standing at the train tracks and waiting for the train to pass! Uh, wait a minute....I think I hear the sound of the train whistle....It's almost here!

Blessings to you....lifting you in prayer!!