I don't usually write two blog posts in one week. But something is nagging at my mind today to write another one. A real one. Not a writer's one. Or a marketing one. But the kind I used to write.
We've been in Florida now since March. I spend much of my time alone, thinking about my life and where the past few years have taken me. My husband turned 60 in August. I'm next. I can't help but count my future years and wonder how I'll fill them.
A few weeks ago, we flew home to PA to say good-bye to my father-in-law. During that week, we sided the home we've been building since the summer of 2013. We were supposed to live there forever and restart our business. Instead, we ran out of money and the jobs dried up over the winter. We got desperate and when my husband heard about work in FL, he jumped. We like to eat and pay our bills too.
So I sit here and think about when I'll live a normal life again. Never in my dreams did I imagine I'd not be in my own home at age 60, surrounded by close friends, attending a church I love and watching my grandchildren grow. Not once.
But God did.
I try to accept that this life in Naples is the new normal for me. Saving to finish our home. Creating friendships with people who have totally different lives than I do. Trying to find where I fit in.Trusting God to lead me along in this newness. Taking my hand and tugging me in the right directions when I want to run home, despite having the means to do it. Oh yes, I want to run home--to familiarity, to friends, to my house full of memories, to the future I once envisioned.
But how many other people planned for a specific future and didn't get it? My brother-in-law lost his life when he was in his early 40s, leaving behind two children and a widow. I'm sure they envisioned a different life than the one they were handed. A good friend got cancer. Another woman lost her husband to Alzheimer's.
Maybe that's my mistake. Thinking I knew what normal is.
So for today my new normal is defined as moving around the country, building memories with my husband, and watching how God will use us in each setting. That's how I'm going to fill my remaining years. Living God's normal.
Have you been living under a description of normal you've created for yourself?