God of the Impossible

After being squished and pushed and prodded - I walked out of the Women's Clinic in new awe of my God. The business card of my surgeon stuffed in my pocket reminded me of how much I thought I knew and of how little confidence I had in Him. As before in 2005, my life was handed back to me anew. We never really understand what a prison our fears put us in until the bars are broken down. Yet this time - there was more peace than before. I knew and understood what was before me if the tests didn't go well. So I was surprised when I heard the words "You're fine. Your done. Go home." I was surprised that I wanted to dance in relief and joy even more so than the first time. God is so good - no matter what outcome we hear and ultimately carry home.

Cruising

I just got back from a wonderful first time cruise to the Bahamas. Talk about being treated royally - I'm finding it hard to remember how to cook or make my bed! All the stories everyone tells about cruises are true - wonderful food - wonderful service - entertainment and the great people one meets. I'm ready for my next one. More importantly, I was able to relax and think of nothing but the trip. My brain feels refreshed and alive now, ready to get back into my writing.

Encouragement

I sent a story out to an editor yesterday morning - a true story of a Christmas spent with family. By nine o'clock last night, she had replied - a personal response - not the canned variety that I have become accustomed to. You know the kind, Thank you for your submission, we will review your story and let you know six months from now.

This editor had read the story and then shared with me a similar experience in her life. She also told me she broke into tears at one part of my story... this floored me. I may not get included in this anthology, but the fact that my story touched someone like that is enough. That's why I write. So her kind note encouraged me to keep on - even if my mailbox received a ton of rejections last month (well - a few - I didn't sent that many out:)) One never knows what God has in mind - we just have to keep being faithful at what we do for Him.

Waiting

Today I received a phone call from a woman I hadn’t talked with in over ten years. She had heard from a friend I was “waiting,’ and wanted to share some of her own times of wait with me. Last week my gynecologist called to tell me my mammogram showed two nodules - one in each breast. Unfortunately, due to the growing population of the town I live in, I will have to wait another month to be seen again by the radiologist to determine if further treatment was necessary.

So many times in my life, I have found myself waiting. We waited two years to be blessed by the news that I was finally pregnant with our first child. How quickly forgotten were those charts and doctors’ visits and embarrassing tests once I held our daughter in my arms. Months of fear and uncertainty were behind us now that a new life had entered our lives.

When my young brother-in-law was seriously injured in an accident, my husband and I paced the hospital halls waiting for him to show signs of life – waiting for him to open his eyes in recognition of us. When that moment arrived, and Craig opened his blue eyes, our days of waiting were over. The anguish and fears and what ifs were stowed in a tiny corner of our memories only to be brought out again at another accident in someone’s life – or as a reminder of how we had survived.

Barb, the woman who acted on the Holy Spirit’s nudging, shared with me a few verses she had found great comfort in during her own wait with three bouts of cancer. After I hung up, I opened my Bible to read Romans 8: 38 (NIV). “…For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God, that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

My periods of fear can never separate me from God’s love. He knows every minute of doubt and stress I go through as I wait for His plan to develop. I was immediately comforted with the reminder that God understands my anxiety. He waits to draw me closer during those empty periods in my life when time seems insurmountable.

My life is filled with waiting – so much that I wonder what I 'do' as I wait. Barb gave me the perfect answer.

I slid from my chair to my knees and bowed my head. God waits to draw me closer and have me trust Him during my waiting.